


Detectives They Are Not

by Capriccioso



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Accountant Castiel, Alternate Universe - Human, Anonymity, Fluff, M/M, Mechanic Dean, Pre-Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-16
Updated: 2016-12-16
Packaged: 2018-09-09 00:51:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,179
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8869405
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Capriccioso/pseuds/Capriccioso
Summary: Dean's been in ridiculous chick-flicky love with his internet best friend angel for ages. In an attempt to move on, he's on a date with one Castiel Novak.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is a work of fiction. Don't fall in love with people on the internet unless you have pictures, phone calls, videos, /some/ form of tangible proof that they're even remotely close to who they claim to be.  
> If you meet 'em, pick a public place and make sure someone knows where you are.  
> Get them to call you in the middle of the meeting and make up a safety phrase.  
> Like literally take every precaution you can think of because these kinds of coincidences don't really exist.

The things he knows about his angel barely fill two lines, even in his broadest scrawl.

37 years old. Male. Asexual. Has a brother named Gabriel. Divorced. 5’10. Blue eyes. Tax accountant. (Russian?, he’d written but crossed out.) 

There is so much more, there has to be, because they’ve just got this ... profound bond.  
This feeling like, shit, chick-flick moment, their souls recognize each other. 

He knows how angel takes his coffee, which of his co-workers he doesn’t like, that he resents his parents for abandoning them, that he runs five miles every morning and wishes he could have a cat but spends too many nights working late for that to be possible.  
Yes, Dean knows what angel’s dream vacation looks like and how he broke his arm when he was six. No, he couldn’t pick the man out of a line-up or even try to guess what _country_ he lives in.

They met on the internet. Internet friendships are like that. This empty longing he gets that makes his chest feel hollow? That’s just the universe punishing him for all his failures by making him fall in love with someone who not only doesn’t feel the same but also quite literally occupies a different reality.

And now here Dean is, in a café opposite a different man, on a date, trying so hard to not to find him gorgeous, trying so hard to not to laugh at his dead-pan sarcasm.  
Café-guy isn’t a bad person, and that makes him feel worse.

He’d brought this monstrosity of a beige Lincoln Continental into Bobby’s shop, and even though Dean technically really was just picking up parts for his own shop he’d volunteered for the job just so he’d get a nice laugh out of the owner of the pimp mobile when it got picked up.

The owner, as it turned out, was a lithe man his age, with dark sex-hair and eyes a blue too pretty to compare to mere gems. Honestly, Dean had been convinced the man didn’t like him since he’d avoided even looking at him. Right up until he’d introduced himself as ‘Dean Winchester’ and those eyes had fixed themselves on his face and hadn’t moved even when he was paying or talking to Jo.

Café-guy had had a staring problem when he’d asked Dean for his number, and he has one now that he’s sitting across from him in this, well, café.

Dean forgot his name already, has had no interest in anyone since those times he’d tried to move on from angel with both meaningless one-night-stands and a year-long relationship with Lisa, that had only had him feeling worse, and yet. And yet he smiles as he holds Café-guy’s eyes and feels like an asshole for it.

Four years - shit, he hasn’t gotten laid in four years, what the fuck, man - wasted on pining after an anonymous online friend. Way to go, Winchester.

They’ve never even heard each others voice.  
Even though he’d talked angel through his divorce. Even though angel had been invaluable when he’d come to terms with his bisexuality. Even though he’d been all that kept angel sane when his brother almost died. Even though angel was all that kept him from breaking down when Sam went through rehab.  
Even though they were so much, they were so little.

The man in front of him has pink, plush lips and a voice like pure sex.  
When Dean drops him off at his place neither of them even tries to pretend they want a goodbye kiss.

When Dean gets to his apartment, he wonders if he should get a dog, then goes straight for the whiskey.

*

**19:34/Angel** I have a confession to make.

**19:35/DW** Aren’t you uslly on the othr side of this padre? telthe world ure sins oh holy tax accountantent

**19:35/Angel** Dean, are you drunk?

**19:41/DW** ys

**19:41/Angel** Why? Is something wrong?

**19:59/DW** i dnt even kno ur name

**20:03/Angel** I have asked you to call me Angel.

**20:12/DW** yess but i want ur name like ur real name u got miune

**20:15/Angel** Why is it relevant? You have volunteered yours. Mine is quite unusual.

**20:17/DW** Because.

**20:58/DW** gimme ur damn confesh padre

**21:13/Angel** I. I think this might not be a good time.

**21:26/DW** wellllll i jst got bk from a date nd got my brains fckd out so prob not

**21:40/Angel** I was not aware you were dating someone.

**21:43/DW** mnot reall hot guy hit on me @ work

**22:14/Angel** I wanted to confess that I have asked someone on a date.

**22:58/Angel** Dean?

**23:47/Angel** Dean?

**00:02** Did you pass out again?

**00:05** Don’t forget to take some ibuprofen tomorrow. Last we spoke you mentioned you had left them in a blue duffel bag. The one you took when you visited Sam last.

*

The ache in Dean’s chest is because of his epic hangover, not because his - not _his_ any more - angel, is dating some random.  
For some weird reason he’d assumed he’d at least be spared that, since angel is asexual and had always been unhappy with the wife his family insisted he take.

Of course not. Of course not. Angel isn’t _aromantic_ , as he’d explained, which had led to Dean looking that up, and really, that’s the story of them in a nutshell.  
Angel is, does, says or knows something amazing and interesting and Dean’s the idiot stumbling after him trying to understand with a Wikipedia article and copious amounts of pining.

He doesn’t even feel bad for lying about his night of alcohol-fuelled sexcapades. Angel should get to feel this ache, too. But he won’t, of course he won’t, because angel doesn’t care what Dean does, if he’s fucked half the damn state.

One quick shower, some toast and some ibuprofen - damn angel, but the man did keep track of where Dean lost the most random things - later, he boots up his laptop again.

**9:12/DW** Mornin’ angel, so sorry about yesterday

**9:12/Angel** Hello, Dean. It was no bother. Did you find the ibuprofen?

**9:15/DW** Yeah. It’s like, maybe I should call you when I’m lookin for my car keys ;)

**9:17/Angel** You would never misplace ‘baby’s’ keys, Dean.

**9:20/DW** No but it’s an

**9:20/DW** nvm

**9:22/Angel** Is it another reference I did not ‘get’?

**9:23/DW** No, angel. dw about it.

**9:23/DW** You at work?

**9:32/Angel** Yes. Although I have only just arrived; my car has been giving me trouble.

**9:41/DW** ;’s in a chat message really angel? :P

**9:44/Angel** Is that against formal etiquette? 

**9:45/Angel** Wait.

**9:59/DW** lmao we had that exact conversation last dec didnt we

**10:01/Angel** Yes, I just now realized as well.

**10:02/DW** eww now I’m rememberin winter in sd

**10:03/Angel** You were in South Dakota last December?

**10:05/DW** Yeah still am. You’re the one movin around for his job, im comfortbly doin the same shit over and over here in sioux falls :P

Dean bites his lip.  
They’ve never talked about where they live before, not even in broad terms.  
It hadn’t occurred to him that maybe that was intentional.  
Angel was exceedingly secretive, but he’d always seemed glad when Dean shared personal details before.  
Now? Nothing, nada. Twenty minutes of silence when Dean knows for a fact angel can easily talk all day since his job involves sitting at a computer, and he has no meetings scheduled for today.  
Great, he’d made the guy uncomfortable.

It’s not like he blurted out his home address or something. Dean refuses to feel bad about this. He refuses.

And if he's ten minutes late to work because he keeps interrupting his morning routine to check his messages, that's nobody’s damn business.

*

Three days of total silence. That has never happened before. Even when they only just ‘met’, in a chat room about bees of all things, they’d always talked at least once a day. The only one that they’d missed was when Gabriel, angels brother (and isn’t that a riot, he knows his brothers name but not angels), had had that car accident.

Dean can’t even remember a time when he wasn’t talking to angel about anything and everything, that’s how long ago they met.

He’d just wanted to play a prank on Sam, one that had involved copious amounts of bees, and his research on how to acquire them had led him to angel. Angel who was very passionate and insightful and would not stop trying to talk him out of it until Dean had sworn not to use bees for pranks any more, until they’d, somewhat accidentally, become friends.

When Café-guy calls and asks for a second date, Dean only says yes because another day of angel’s silence and nothing else to dwell on might possibly drive him insane.

They agree to meet in a Biggerson’s at 10am on a Saturday, and Dean is glad that at least Café-guy isn’t invested enough in him to go anywhere actually romantic.

Dean’s hands are sweaty.  
Maybe it’s because he hasn’t gotten laid in four years, or because it feels like he’s cheating on angel, which is ridiculous, since they’re not together, have never been together, have never been talking about the possibility of being together.

Even the light-hearted flirting Dean used to use in all conversations with everyone had died out in favour of something more honest, somewhere between their heart-to-hearts.

Shit, somewhere along the way Dean turned into the kind of person who’d pine after someone for years and have honest to god heart-to-hearts with them.  
And next you’re growing a vagina, he can hear John growl in his head. As usual, angels words win out; Men have feelings as well, Dean.

He hopes, god how he hopes, that he’ll get the chance to be lectured again on how sexist and cissexist John’s statement is. Anything to have angel talk to him again.

“Hell--hey, ... Dean.”  
Dean glances up from the menu and quirks an eyebrow at Café-guy.  
“Really?”, he chuckles, “So nervous you stutter? I won’t bite.” He adds an exaggerated wink, a dash of his old womanizer performance.  
Café-guy blushes very prettily, Dean absently notes.

He’s more attractive than Dean remembers, and he makes an actual effort to remember his name. Casper? Cassiel? He’s almost sure it involves a Cas.

Cas sits down, they order, they make awkward small talk. Dean probably forgot how handsome Cas is because their conversations make him uncomfortable. Cas’ stilted speech reminds him of angel, but he’s bland and reserved. It smarts to think that if he’d met angel in real life he’d probably be summarily dismissed just like this.

Over pie, Cas breaks.

“I apologize, I should not have asked you out again.”

Dean forces a chuckle.  
“I mean, I know this is kinda awkward, and I ain’t really feelin’ it either, but that’s kinda hurtful, man.”

Cas frowns. “Yes. It is. It’s just. I.” He sighs. He’s fidgeting with the tan trench coat in the seat next to him.  
“I have been in love with my best friend for a very long time. You’re ... you’re my attempt at moving on, I suppose. And that is not fair to you, Dean.”

Dean’s shoulders crumple.  
“Oh thank god.”, he murmurs.  
He offers Cas a genuine smile now. “I feel the same. Like, there’s this guy I’m really ridiculously chick-flicky about and have been for forever. ‘m sorry, too, when you asked me out I just said yes ‘cause he’s been ignoring me for a couple days.”

Dean discovers that he does get along with Cas after all.  
Now that both their consciences are clear, conversation is much easier. Cas confides that he has a ridiculous brother that he’s jealous of because he seems so happy, and Dean gushes about Sam’s lawyer firm and admits how sometimes he wishes he’d done more with his life than just open his own auto shop.  
Cas is confused by this and insists it’s a great job, and won’t be deterred no matter how often Dean points out that both his father figures are mechanics and he’s being extremely unoriginal here.

Dean wonders when the last time he was so honest was, and doesn’t like that the answer is ‘with angel.’ Every time he remembers angel the guilt over hanging out with Cas, even though it’s not a date any more, gets worse, until he can’t bear it and says:

“Cas, the guy I’m in, y’know. The guy I lo-. The guy. He hasn’t contacted me in what feels like forever. Last time he didn’t talk to me was an emergency, and even then he only took a day.”  
Dean’s fidgeting and he doesn’t even care. It’s not like Cas would judge him.  
“Maybe he’s like, dead in a ditch somewhere.”. he mumbles finally.

Cas frowns, reaches out and places a hand firmly on Dean’s wrist.  
“I’m sure he has a good reason for not being in contact, Dean. And I’m also sure that he is fine. Perhaps he lost your number? Or his phone?”

Dean opens his mouth to tell Cas how angel only ever talks to him in a chat messenger, then closes it again. Admitting that he’s hopelessly in love is one thing; admitting that it’s a one-sided internet thing with someone he knows next to nothing about even after years of friendship? Nah, pass.

When Cas realizes his hand is still resting on Dean’s wrist he yanks it back like he got burned, and knocks over his coffee. It soaks into his dress pants and he only closes his eyes, groaning.

Dean laughs, switches seats so he’s next to Cas and helps him mop up the mess with thin diner napkins. Somehow Dean’s eyes end up catching Cas’ and they just sit there, staring.

“Uh, you need some help with the clean-up boys?”

The voice of the waitress startles them apart, and by the time Dean realizes he’s almost kissed Cas he’s already thrown down some bills and is halfway out the door.

*

**18:34/Angel** Hello, Dean.

**18:34/DW** What happened?

**18:36/Angel** I realize I have not been replying to your messages for a while. That is entirely my fault. I wish I had a good reason to give you.

**18:37/DW** so nothings happened? man fuck you you gave me like four heartattks

**18:39/Angel** I understand how you feel.

**18:43/DW** no you don’t i literally whined to my date about how im sure you’re dead in a ditch somewhere wtf man

**18:44/Angel** I apologize. But please let me explain.

**18:50/DW** bite me

**19:54/Angel** I am in love with you.

**19:55/DW** what

**19:57/DW** that is a really shitty joke angel

**19:58/DW** srs?

**19:59/DW** what

**20:05/DW** you did not just leave agn

**20:06/DW** tell me u didnt

**20:07/Angel** I realize how this must be stressful but please give me a moment to type, Dean.

**20:07/DW** k

**20:57/Angel** Through our conversations over the years I have found myself drawn to you. When I said I was not ready to ‘date’ after my divorce because I was ‘hung up on’ someone you inferred I had meant Daphne. I meant you. It has been three years since and still I regret this lie of omission. It is disconcerting to be so thoroughly in love with someone you have never met and know few facts about. It is entirely true, however. I have left you waiting because I needed to think. I have been working in Sioux Falls for the past three months and will stay here for the foreseeable future. I would like to meet, but I did not want to begin our acquaintance with a lie this big. I am not an adept liar and you would pick up on my feelings right away I am afraid.

**21:01/Angel** I realize you don’t feel the same way about me, and I assure you I have tried to move on. More recently even by going on dates merely because he shares your name, with a man who frankly deserves so much better.

**21:17/DW** im in lvoe with yuo

**21:17/DW** i mean

**21:18/DW** I’m in love with you

**21:18/DW im sorry**

**21:19/DW** for the typos 

**21:19/DW** not that im in love with you

**21:24/Angel** Dean, you don’t have to pretend to spare my feelings. We can still be friends, even if you chose not to meet me.

**21:25/DW** angel

**21:26/DW** baby

**21:27/DW** im so in love with you

**21:28/DW** im saying that here because in real life im chickenshit and probably wont

**21:28/DW** but

**21:28/DW** i mean it

**21:29/DW** please meet with me

**21:35/DW** do you know the roadhouse? 7? tomorrow?

**21:42/Angel** I would be amenable to that. We should both bring something for identification.

**21:44/DW** i’ll be the guy in the slaughterhouse five shirt

**21:48/Angel** I can bring the book itself.

*

It’s 7:02 and if Dean squints at his phone’s clock any harder it will probably spontaneously combust. Two minutes doesn’t even qualify as late yet, he tells himself. The death grip he has on his beer doesn't loosen.

His eyes wander. The Roadhouse is pretty empty since it’s a week night. Just him, a couple people at the bar, a group at the pool tables, some guy in a booth staring intently at the table.

Dean’s eyes wander to the front door again.

7:09, and a movement catches his eye. Booth-guy is fidgeting with a tan trench coat. Dean concentrates on him to resist the temptation to order himself a shot - or a bottle - of whiskey.

His hair is dark and messy and obscures most of this face as he does his best to turn his back on Dean. Like he doesn’t want to be recognized.  
Dean frowns, then smirks. It’s Cas - café/diner guy -, probably worried Dean will recognize him. Maybe he’s waiting on that mysterious crush of his, too. Great, now he’s made himself nervous thinking of angel again.

7:38 and he’s all but given up. Angel probably pranked him. No, he wouldn’t. But maybe that brother of his had gotten his hands on the chat account. Gabe was pretty famous for his pranks, and the thought makes Dean nervous. What if it really was just Gabe? Angel would see his response. And know. Oh god.

7:52 and his eyes catch on Cas again. Cas who’s obviously been stood up as well and now just sits there glaring at the table.

Dean gets up and walks over. Maybe they can get misery drunk together. Maybe they’ll both even get a pity-fuck out of it. 

“Hey-”, he starts, then freezes.

Cas’ fingers are resting on Slaughterhouse Five and when his blue eyes travel the length of Dean’s body as he raises his gaze from the table to Dean’s face they get caught on the washed-out print of his shirt for an inordinate length of time.

“Hello, Dean.”, he says, an incredulous tinge in his gravel-voice.

Dean just sits down.


	2. Epilogue

“We- you? You’re? And?” Cas shuts his mouth with an audible click.

Dean just laughs. And also marvels a little bit at how _much_ of Cas' beauty he'd missed the first three times they'd met.

Cas looks adorable when he’s flustered and stuttering, and now that he knows the pretty blush belongs to his angel, the thought even comes without that sour tinge of guilt.

“My name is Dean Winchester. I'm an Aquarius, I enjoy sunsets, long walks on the beach and frisky angels.” The flirtatious wink this time is entirely real.

“Cas-Castiel. Novak. Castiel Novak.” Cas’ eyes are glued to the table.

“Hey.” Dean places a hand on the one Cas has still resting on the book, waits until Cas meets his eyes.

“’S just me. Don’t be scared.”

Castiel gives him a weak smile. “Honestly, I am currently trying to determine just how badly I embarrassed myself on our two previous ... ah, ‘dates’.” Cas makes air quotes with the hand Dean isn’t holding.

Dean’s smile widens. His angel has really nice hands. Long and elegant and just slightly paler than his tanned skin.

A moment of silence passes between them before a crease appears between Castiels brows.

“I did not have sexual intercourse with you.”

The bark of laughter that statement startles out of Dean is entirely involuntary, but Castiels frown deepens.

“After our first date.”, he clarifies.

Dean draws back the hand resting on Cas’ and fidgets with the edges of his shirt.

“I, uh.”, he coughs, “I lied. To make you jealous. I didn’t have sex that day. With anyone.”

He can feel his face heating up, so he averts his gaze. The tabletop is really getting it’s ‘being stared at’ quota filled today, he thinks in a burst of panicked amusement.

The silence lasts an entire minute and Dean closes his eyes.  
Yeah, so when the first conversation you have with someone you met on the internet is about how you lied to them?  
That’s not good news. He’s readying himself for Cas to leave, to say that he can’t trust that any of this was real, and hell, Dean would even understand. He’d drink himself to death, sure, but he’d understand.

“I’ve never been in a relationship with Nora. She required my assistance with babysitting, but I did not correct your assumption. To. ‘Make you jealous’, I suppose.”

Dean’s eyes find Cas, find the same tentative affection he knows are in his.

This time when he reaches for Cas’ hand his grip is sure and he intertwines their fingers. Just holding hands has never meant this much before, and he's really, really glad he mostly got over chick-flick moments because this one? Would probably make him spontanously combust.

Castiel blushes, and Dean marvels at how taking him to a hardware store and comparing his cheeks against colour cards so he can put a name to the exact shade is now a thing he can do.  
Not a _sane_ thing mind you, but one he could do.

Nora was just a year ago, maybe closer to ten months. But Meg ... 

“It worked. I also still get irrationally pissed off at this girl at work just ‘cause her name's Megan and it reminds me of Meg.”

Castiel tilts his head to the side, which Dean finds way too endearing, and a thoughtful look crosses his face.

“That was three years ago.”

Dean nods. Waits for him to understand.

Cas hesitates before he speaks. “I’m sure Lisa is a lovely woman, but I have had entirely too many murderous impulses at your mentions of her.”

Dean’s eyes widen a fraction.

“That was five years ago, Cas.”, he mutters, and tightens the grip he has on Castiels hand.

Castiel swallows, and Dean's eyes linger on how it makes his Adam's apple jump.  
“How long-”, Cas starts.

“Forever.”, Dean interrupts, “Daphne, even.”

Castiels eyes are incredulous, wide, and so, so blue, fixed firmly on his face.

“I got divorced because I fell in love with you.”, he confesses. “Daphne was genuinely nice and I didn’t hate our relationship. Of all the women my parents could’ve been trying to marry me to she was the best. But. But she came nowhere close to how I felt - feel - about you.”

It takes Dean a full two minutes to speak again, time Castiel uses to stare a hole into his soul.

Dean's voice comes out rough and low. “But you- I mean. Your parents disowned you for that divorce, Cas.”

Castiel drops his gaze to the table again and nods.

“I love you.”, Dean says, and startles himself just as much as Cas. He’s never thought he’d say that out loud, not even in fantasies of meeting his angel has the thought crossed his mind, but it feels right. It feels like the right word for the warmth in his chest.

Cas’ eyes soften, and Dean thinks he’ll have to find a shade to call them at the damn hardware store, too.

“I love you as well, Dean.”

“Good. And no boyfriend of mine gets away with not having seen Star Wars.”

Dean gets up resolutely, pulls Cas after him by their tangled hands.

“Let’s go home and make out on my couch like teenagers.” He winks.

They don’t even make it to the Impala before they’re kissing, and it feels a lot like coming home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've never written m/m porn before. 
> 
> Usually there's no dicks at all involved in my porn.
> 
> I think this gap in my skillset warrants further investigation in the near future.
> 
> Love, C

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first ever SPN work and it probably calls for a sequel/epilogue.
> 
> Also these dorks and their love totally stole the show from me.
> 
> I was gonna have them both be undecided on wether they want to take a risk on meeting an internet friend or just go out with the hot new person instead; they refused to be tempted. 
> 
> But if anyone wants to write that fic, I still wanna read it.
> 
> Love, C


End file.
